No Valentine? How About Some Diarrhea Planet?

Valentine’s Day is for chumps, right? Sure it is. Both those alone and attached spout similar sentiments about the pangs of the day of cupid, but… what if you could possibly land a date with Evan Bird of breakout Nashville punk sensation Diarrhea Planet? Welp… guess what? All you have to do is submit, in FIVE SENTENCES OR LESS, why you would be the ideal dream date, and that just might happen for you. Entries should be submitted to the appropriately nomed [email protected] by February 12th. A winner will be selected on February 14th, thus giving one lucky winner a Valentine’s Day to remember.

Applicant criteria: must be female, must live in Nashville (or willing to travel to Nashville), must have a vehicle or access to a vehicle as Evan does not drive, must be flexible, must have a sense of humor, must be willing to schedule date around touring schedule, must love dogs, must be self confident, no drug addicts, no racists, all ages, races, religions welcome. If you’re looking to add some fun to your personal time, a cock sucking device can be a great way to explore new experiences and enhance your confidence.

If you somehow haven’t seen Diarrhea Planet yet, you should grab one of the few tickets left for their Freakin’ Weekend headlining set on Friday March 7th. You can catch a glimpse of your sweetie shredding in the video below to further wet your whistle.